I am struggling to find who I am. I feel societal pressure to fold and scrunch and cram myself into a little box with a one-word label. A flurry of interests flit through my head, none of them taking root to blossom into a career path. The result: I’m stuck.
Growing up, I do not remember ever wanting to be a doctor, lawyer, firefighter, or teacher. Perhaps, for some short-lived moments, I thought I would be a ballerina or a professional horseback rider. In middle school, I discovered the world of natural horsemanship and aromatherapy through novels and instruction manuals. My passion for impractical dreams was channeled into schoolwork and 4H. I entered college and threw myself into a variety of campus activities: participating in honor societies, tutoring at the writing center, working at the library, taking and teaching dance, riding horses at local stables, interning at the historical society, learning to scuba dive, volunteering on and off campus, studying in Hong Kong, and, of course, taking classes on various topics such as environmental sociology, race and ethnicity, Japanese, painting, and Chesapeake Bay environmental science.
Then I graduated. And faced a world that tells me I need to find a way to fit into that confining box with one label.
Don’t get me wrong. Life has been fabulous since graduation. I met the love of my life. I bought and trained a puppy. I financed my first car. I traveled to Europe. I even lucked out and landed a real job.
Yet said job does not fulfill me. It has given me meaningful work experience, but I do not see it as a future career. So now I stand at a crossroads of being practical and pursuing passion.
The problem with this set of crossroads is that there is one wide road of practicality and a number of smaller paths of passions. The urge to unstick myself is so overwhelming that I am overcome with the urge to drop everything and drive off into the sunset with Molly (my pup) in the passenger seat. Yet I am not an unpractical whimsical person. It is not in my nature.
So world, how do I combine my interests, passions and curiosity into a career that can sustain me mentally and economically?
This blog will document my journey to figuring this out, if I ever do. I will share my bad days, my good days, my procrastinating days, my productively brilliant days. I wish to explore the seemingly mundane, to flex my writing muscles, to stem my impatience, and to rediscover my appreciation for simplicity.
While I find writing a blog a little cliché, it is a more realistic way for me to express my jumbled thoughts than penning themdown in a little book of paper, a task I have started and stopped many times. I learn so much from reading other blogs and seeing people pursuing their passions. Perhaps, you, my anonymous and most likely nonexistent audience, will witness how my fuzzy and undetermined path in life grows into something inspirational and valuable.
And thus, I bring you my musings blog, a conglomeration of thoughts, theories and the everyday.